Monday, March 18, 2013

What A Day

Sunday 3/17/2013: the first Sunday in a very very long time that I had done more than one church service in a day. But more importantly, it was the first time I had "gone" to City Of Refuge then "worked" at GNC. Heaven help me: it left me exhausted.

The great thing about the GNC service was that I have much of the Liturgy Of The Word down rote. This is good because the service at Refuge wiped me out emotionally in a way that I have not experienced in a long time. It was amazing to see how much of the GNC service I can do "on autopilot" ... not that I was any less engaged, or involved... but my growth into liturgical prowess has become apparent even to myself.

But Sunday 3/17/2013 was about Gina.

What a mark this woman has made at Refuge! To see her embody her voice, to see her preach to the Refuge community... to see them get it... wow. Wow. Just amazing. Wow. MzAnn was in tears. I was a bawling mess, of course. Just... wow.

All in all, Sunday 3/17/2013 was a good day for emergent Christianity in the San Francisco Bay Area. Let us hope that we have more days like this when Refuge makes its new home in Oakland, so close to my house! And let me hope that I have more days like this as I grow deeper into my ministerial call. I wore my full clerical collar to Refuge today. I think it made quite a statement. People noticed it. There's something to the idea of being received as visiting clergy... because that, in essence, is what I was. And we pulled off the surprise, with Calyxa and Chucko attending without Gina knowing ahead of time. Yep, that was me! I love you, Gina.

Now, God, let me just ask you one thing. You've done such wonderful things for us all. Could you intervene in my one area that needs a bit of a boost? You know of what I speak. Let me not be Cassandra, yet again. Let my heart receive what it has longed for, ached for, waiting for, for oh so many years. I know that I am asking for something dangerous, something that will require a lifetime of work to harvest. But it is worth the effort. BDA is worth the effort. He needs to know his beauty. He needs to know that he is loved. You gave me this heart, these feelings, this empathy, this need to love and be loved. Help me now to grow into the role that you have destined me for: the lover. God, dear God, I beg that you fill my heart's longing. Help this cosmic win-win to come to fruition. Dear God in Heaven, I know that I am not a patient man. I know that I must wait. But, God, my biological clock? Hello? The old gray mare? And let me also thank you, my God, for your wisdom. If the BDA Quest is not to be, then I accept that it is because you in your infinite wisdom are guiding me toward my highest expression of your eternal truth even when I cannot understand how, where, or why. I ask for the help of your grace in accepting my fate, and loving BDA unconditionally regardless. He deserves it. Before the saints and apostles, the angels and archangels, and to God Himself, I declare this: BDA, I love you without reservation and without condition, and I will always pray for you to find the highest glory whether beside me or not.

Trust in the Lord, and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will make your vindication shine like the light, and the justice of your cause like the noonday.
-Psalm 37:3-6

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